Summer 2018

Finding Conscious & Complete Partners

Enlightened Dating Summary

Changing our selection criteria for partners takes an understanding of what we are seeking. We need to learn how to be ourselves as Creative Being so we can attract partners who would naturally match us. This requires reorienting ourselves to what attracts us. We also need to stand up for ourselves so others can see us fully. Otherwise, we get caught in unconscious parental patterns or opposite attraction partners where Co-Dependence rules. This program, when followed, makes us conscious of when we are sabotaging ourselves by choosing partners who cannot go the distance. This twelve part series is meant to be a total program, yet some individuals feel they may only need certain parts of it. In our experience, the first six classes help us to become aware of our choices so we can shift beyond entanglement options.

Class Note: This is the first time everyone will have to pay in advance through PayPal. If attendees only register for the first class, and then want to do the full series, they will have to pay the full series price without a discount. This is due to new administration requirements. On the upside, by purchasing the whole series, we are providing Mini Creative Assessments for your parents and up to 3 past partners (a $145 value). Thank you for understanding our desire to have an effective enrollment process.

Finding Conscious & Complete Partners—Class 12 :: Optimizing Online Dating Services

There are many obstacles to using online dating services. People’s profiles can be fishing expeditions by married individuals looking for a hookup. Their pictures may be 20 years old, if we are lucky. The very medium of interacting through a computer tends to attract more Distant or disengaged people. Finally, there are the many misguided attempts to determine compatibility through a series of questions. Despite these obstacles, online dating provides a focused group of individuals who believe they are capable of attracting a partner. Higher Alignment’s assessment tools provide a way to cut through these obstacles to identify the top candidates in your locale. This requires good pictures and simple qualification statements (such as, are they non-smokers?), and some sort of background check.

While it is more difficult to use online dating services (for all the above reasons), there are also opportunities to practice and explore possibilities with people who may be more similar to you. It requires preparing a profile, selecting photos, answering a lot of questions and being willing to monitor the process on a regular basis. Some people find this to be too tedious. For them, we need to work on putting them in places (locations, groups, activities, etc.) where they would most likely meet the people who are similar to them. These individuals will need more ability to see compatibility differences. They will also want to use their network of friends for people who might match the qualities they seek. This is why, upon reflection, some of the dating sites are a bit more effective than others. What Higher Alignment can do is go through the pictures of your choosing and point out the people who are your Primary Creative Expression, could be sexually compatible and who are defensively similar. Individuals, such as Larry, can search through and assess up to 800 pictures per hour. In these situations, we usually find 10 or more suitable matches. This still requires people to follow up these individuals and inspire them to respond.

The benefit of online dating is that our preferences can be taken into account. This means we can sort people by age, if they smoke, their marital status, social activities and even athletic interests (if any). Since there are at least 60 million individuals on dating sites at any given time, there are many opportunities for connection. This allows a greater degree of targeting that can lead to finding appropriate partners. Higher Alignment sees this process as a way to practice showing up an being ourselves. It encourages us to be confident and to not compromise ourselves. It focuses us on the larger picture so we can learn how a person might work with us, even if they do not look like they would fit our preconceived notions. We still stand by the concept that it is us taking ownership of our creativity that makes us visible and attractive to the best partner candidates. It is time to be the driving energy behind what will fulfill us.

Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Saturday, November 10th 2018, 12pm-5pm MT (no lunch break)

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Recognizing Defenses :: Class 2: Recognizing Dynamic Defense Style

Dynamic Defense Styles are the result of denying our feminine and emphasizing our masculine.We emphasize Mastery, Time and Task centered management and goal-centric activities. We act outwardly strong and certain, even when we are not. We are identified by a perimeter Defense Style, with hidden emotional vulnerabilities. We are strong in objective, experiential modalities, such as Sensations and Thoughts. We use our intellectual framework to enhance Security. We demonstrate strong autonomy and self esteem while seeking intimacy and self respect. Dynamic people are primarily motivated by being seen getting the job done. Being acknowledged is everything. Feelings and Emotions are controlled so they do not get out of control. Power is generated by being able to impose their thoughts on others. They use order and structure to justify taking positions that elevate them over others. They break down each problem so it can be appreciated and solved.

As Dynamic individuals, we admire strength, despise weakness and will fight (when challenged) to prove ourselves. We validate our Truth intellectually by getting people to agree with our assumptions. Since defenses are partial truths, we are highly susceptible to Illusions. Sometimes, we get caught up in Intensity, because we cannot distinguish our own Truth. This is why we seek Wisdom in others and try to learn more about circumstances from them. The biggest illusion we confront is that information is power. When we do not consider all the possibilities, we are susceptible to snap judgments that end up backfiring. Our biggest fear is that we are not loved. To resolve this, we invest in activities and intellectual support to convince others we are behind them.

Dynamic individuals seek truth but have difficulty being complete with it. Our time-centeredness drives us into competitive situations, where we always measure our performance vs. others’. We believe that a good offense is the best defense and therefore seek to throw others off balance so we will have an advantage. We rarely trust our intuition, even if we have developed it as part of our creative expression. It is not recommended to confront or make fun of the truth of a Dynamic individual. It will not end well! Through the review of hundreds of pictures, we explore the various physical and energetic characteristics that indicate a Dynamic Defense Style,. Our objective is to offer enough examples so we will be able to see these characteristics in life. The class also comes with all presentations (in PDF format) and video recordings.

Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Thursday, July 19, 2018, 6-9pm MT

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Recognizing Defenses :: Class 3: Recognizing Disarming Defense Style

Disarming Defense Styles are the result of denying our masculine and emphasizing our feminine.We emphasize Mystery, Chaos that invokes unexpected outcomes. Our outer softness conceals a strong interior where, if we are pushed to perform, we typically exceed people’s expectations. This Defense style is initially adaptive, but eventually can be pushed too far and becomes explosive. We demonstrate strong intimacy and self respect while seeking to improve our Autonomy Skills and self esteem. To accomplish this, we need to be grounded in our physical body. Our perceptual strengths are mostly subjective and comprised of the unification of Feelings and Emotions, producing playful Passion and intuition. The problem is when we get caught up in Projections where, when we want something to be true, we idealize ourselves or others to make it so.

Our primary fear is that we are not adequate or enough. We tend to redefine problems to fit our at-hand preconceived solutions. We adore openness, hate bullies and flee from confrontation when we do not see the value in it. This reflects that we are sensitive to blame, express fear to make peace with it and repress anger because we are not comfortable expressing it. Disarming Defense Style individuals are easily identified by their gorilla warfare approach, where misdirection helps divert attention away from their actions. We can get caught up in drama, particularly when it allows us to divert attention away from certain alternatives we wish to avoid. When we identify with this defense, we believe that our Goodness produces a context where we can see meanings, even when others cannot.

Anxiety wears us down, particularly when we get caught up in having to compare ourselves to everyone around us. It would be helpful to not take ourselves so seriously or to project how others should be good, because it sabotages our personal self development. We are susceptible to jealousy and envy because we fear others have the qualities we lack. Through the review of hundreds of pictures, we explore the various physical and energetic characteristics that indicate a Disarming Defense Style Our objective is to offer enough examples so we will be able to see these characteristics in life. The class also comes with all presentations (in PDF format) and video recordings.

Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Thursday, August 2, 2018, 6-9pm MT

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Recognizing Defenses :: Class 4: Recognizing Disnamic Defense Style

Disnamic Defense Style individuals jump back and forth between feminine and masculine expressions. It is only when we are Pioneering that we can do the two simultaneously. Disnamic individuals shift back and forth because in their formative years each parent had a different Defense. In order to be seen, they learned to complement each parent by being each one’s mirror image. They are easily identified, because when we engage them in soft ways, they respond with strength, and vice versa. Their goal is to always create a full picture of all sides of a situation so better decisions can be made. Problems arise when they are in groups where some individuals expresses dynamic defense while others express disarming or distant defense. This context is difficult for the dysnamic individual who feels pulled to express several opposing defenses simultaneously and creates friction in their ability to meet the needs of everyone at the same time. They become agitated when they cannot mirror or include thinking and emotional states simultaneously. To accomplish this, they need to take ownership of having both masculine and feminine sides. Otherwise, they incorporate elements of Disarming and Dynamic defenses that are in conflict with each other.

Our biggest fear is that no one will know us as we are. This is because we see ourselves as chameleon, changing our color depending on the circumstances. We see value in counterbalancing and completing others. We need to learn how to do this within ourselves. In addition to reconciling the masculine and feminine polarity, we need to also reconcile interior and exterior experiences. This is the polarity issue between Dynamic (interior) and Disarming (exterior) defense experiences. We become Pioneers when our interior and exterior become fully interrelated and conscious. Disnamic Defense Styles are the most adaptive, translating their experiences between Esteem and Respect or Aliveness and Wisdom. We are most influenced by the Defensive Distortions of our partners. We need to accept that our Motives and Beliefs can be flexible and not fixed.

The source of Defensive Healing is the rebalancing of Aliveness, Wisdom and Awareness. On a defensive level, choosing someone with the same patterns initially feels uncomfortable. This is because we have not yet accepted our own Being on a larger level. Not only does our Defense minimize our creativity, it also makes us question why being with this person would be a smart idea. The answer is that until we can be with others who are like us, we are unable to accept our own wholeness. When we can be seen and accepted by others like ourselves, we naturally strengthen rather than drain each other. It also makes it possible to not have to endlessly explain ourselves to others (because of defensive differences). Disnamic Defense is the easiest to heal, when we seek clarity, to facilitate being a Pioneer.

Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Thursday, August 16, 2018, 6-9pm MT

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Couples Creative Assessment Party (Rescheduled)

Independent Perspectives About Your Style

Creative Assessments are ways we honor our differences. Each Compatibility Factor identifies a range of choices that can help us to see why we are not accepted or understood for who we are. This month the Creative Assessment Party is for couples so they can share the experience and work with each other from an equal level. We will summarize the differences and similarities of each couples’ mini-compatibility factors. Larry will also identify the major challenge in the relationship related to Objectification, Subjectification, or Idealization.

At our assessment parties we cover seven factors that most impact relationship choices. While we do try to be 85% accurate on pictures, and 90-95% accuracy in person, there are challenges. The reason our coaches are more accurate is they have cleared their own parental distortions and are not projecting them on their clients. Sometimes clients are not able to support the process because of contradictory beliefs they hold from childhood. Any confusion we may experience also limits our ability to accurately see others.

The value of doing a Creative Assessment is that it allows us to identify where are aligned to or similar to someone. This can lead to working more effectively with our partners. When someone is similar to us, it does not require much work to explain ourselves. The issue is about loving ourselves as we are because it allows us to see and engage those who are most able to love us. Many of us look for partners who match our parental patterns which is why we use Excitement, Intensity and Anxiety to determine which partners will be the most willing to compromise themselves for us. This promotes Co-Dependent choices over Co-Creative ones.

There is even a value in identifying our differences, as this can lead to discovering better ways to operate together. For example, if we know our partner’s first level of communication is Think-First, and we are Feel-First, it would be best to engage the Think-First with information or Content. We can ask them if they want to talk about a particular topic, how much time they have, and the bullet points we think should be covered. We complete this communication by asking when they would like to make a decision (because they are time centered). This gives a Think-First individual time to prepare and allows the Feel First person to organize their information so the Think-First partner can quickly validate it. Since a Think-First person seeks Truth and a Feel-First individual seeks harmony, the Feel-First individual can create more truth by being consistent and declarative in their harmony.

This is just one example of differences we see between individuals around how they communicate. Understanding the full range of communication options empowers us to recognize what is needed in different situations. In our Mini Creative Assessment process, we discuss the seven differences in Communication style, Decision-Making, Defense Styles, Pacing differences and the three levels of creative archetypes. We not only combine these assessments individually, but discuss the differences in the group so people can see how each factor honors their natural way of Being. The more we understand what makes us powerful contributors, the easier it is to find partners and authentic work that is aligned with us.

Only 10 couples will be able to participate in this Creative Assessment process. This is a special event to support couples to engage the Creative Discovery process. This allows us to customize the conversation so people can learn the most in the least amount of time. We will send out presentations and recordings of the event. Videos taken will not show individual participants. It is on a first come, first served basis.

Date: Saturday, September 15th, 2018 5:30-9:00pm Mountain Time
Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandy Jaquith
Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301