Summer 2018

Finding Conscious & Complete Partners

Enlightened Dating Summary

Changing our selection criteria for partners takes an understanding of what we are seeking. We need to learn how to be ourselves as Creative Being so we can attract partners who would naturally match us. This requires reorienting ourselves to what attracts us. We also need to stand up for ourselves so others can see us fully. Otherwise, we get caught in unconscious parental patterns or opposite attraction partners where Co-Dependence rules. This program, when followed, makes us conscious of when we are sabotaging ourselves by choosing partners who cannot go the distance. This twelve part series is meant to be a total program, yet some individuals feel they may only need certain parts of it. In our experience, the first six classes help us to become aware of our choices so we can shift beyond entanglement options.

Class Note: This is the first time everyone will have to pay in advance through PayPal. If attendees only register for the first class, and then want to do the full series, they will have to pay the full series price without a discount. This is due to new administration requirements. On the upside, by purchasing the whole series, we are providing Mini Creative Assessments for your parents and up to 3 past partners (a $145 value). Thank you for understanding our desire to have an effective enrollment process.

Finding Conscious & Complete Partners—Class 12 :: Optimizing Online Dating Services

There are many obstacles to using online dating services. People’s profiles can be fishing expeditions by married individuals looking for a hookup. Their pictures may be 20 years old, if we are lucky. The very medium of interacting through a computer tends to attract more Distant or disengaged people. Finally, there are the many misguided attempts to determine compatibility through a series of questions. Despite these obstacles, online dating provides a focused group of individuals who believe they are capable of attracting a partner. Higher Alignment’s assessment tools provide a way to cut through these obstacles to identify the top candidates in your locale. This requires good pictures and simple qualification statements (such as, are they non-smokers?), and some sort of background check.

While it is more difficult to use online dating services (for all the above reasons), there are also opportunities to practice and explore possibilities with people who may be more similar to you. It requires preparing a profile, selecting photos, answering a lot of questions and being willing to monitor the process on a regular basis. Some people find this to be too tedious. For them, we need to work on putting them in places (locations, groups, activities, etc.) where they would most likely meet the people who are similar to them. These individuals will need more ability to see compatibility differences. They will also want to use their network of friends for people who might match the qualities they seek. This is why, upon reflection, some of the dating sites are a bit more effective than others. What Higher Alignment can do is go through the pictures of your choosing and point out the people who are your Primary Creative Expression, could be sexually compatible and who are defensively similar. Individuals, such as Larry, can search through and assess up to 800 pictures per hour. In these situations, we usually find 10 or more suitable matches. This still requires people to follow up these individuals and inspire them to respond.

The benefit of online dating is that our preferences can be taken into account. This means we can sort people by age, if they smoke, their marital status, social activities and even athletic interests (if any). Since there are at least 60 million individuals on dating sites at any given time, there are many opportunities for connection. This allows a greater degree of targeting that can lead to finding appropriate partners. Higher Alignment sees this process as a way to practice showing up an being ourselves. It encourages us to be confident and to not compromise ourselves. It focuses us on the larger picture so we can learn how a person might work with us, even if they do not look like they would fit our preconceived notions. We still stand by the concept that it is us taking ownership of our creativity that makes us visible and attractive to the best partner candidates. It is time to be the driving energy behind what will fulfill us.

Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Saturday, November 10th 2018, 12pm-5pm MT (no lunch break)

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Recognizing Defenses :: Class 1: Recognizing Distant Defense Style

Distant Defense Styles are the result of denying both our masculine and feminine sides.Ironically, this generates a superficial emphasis on gender roles, such as being a good provider, nurturer, or both. We can recognize this type of individual because of their desire for consistency, even though they, themselves, may be inconsistent. They can be identified by how they operate at a fixed distance from people to maximize comfort. This is because physical distance indicates how safe they feel. Distant people are primarily motivated by Excitement, which means they are fantasy focused, and want more respect and esteem, but feel they must work for it. They typically have minimal expectations and tend to deny outer needs for fear of how others might react to them.

As Distant individuals, we demonstrate strength in thinking (as an experiential modality) but vacillate in our Sensations, Feelings and Emotions, not believing they are critical to having a complete experience. Our primary fear is not being wanted, which means we do not want to impose ourselves on others. This creates a sense of isolation and reinforces familial connections, even if these connections are not great. We are most influenced by Objectification patterns where outer appearances and looking good falsely indicate our internal states of being. We accept authority, but freeze when challenged. We want to negotiate every problem, but do not expect any real answers to emerge. This is because we are anchored in certain activities that we repeat constantly, even when they are not necessary. We are sensitive to guilt, being judged and react quickly with avoidance behaviors when attacked. We validate the truth by what we can physically see.

Distant individuals seek beauty, but do not want to be at the effect of it. The challenge is to clarify our personal Intent. The problem is that we tend to react when others try to tell us what to do. We have difficulty relaxing. Our sense of safety comes from habits or daily rituals where things do not change too much. We hate jealousy but end up being very attached to certain individuals. When we get overwhelmed, we make unilateral decisions that deny input from others. We are selective about our commitments. We have difficulty making public mistakes and try to ignore any discussion about them. In this course we talk about how physically close to operate with Distant individuals. Through the review of hundreds of pictures, we explore the various physical and energetic characteristics that indicate a Distant Defense Style Our objective is to offer enough examples so we will be able to see these characteristics in life. The class also comes with all presentations (in PDF format) and video recordings.



Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Thursday, June 21, 2018, 6-9pm MT

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Recognizing Defenses :: Class 2: Recognizing Dynamic Defense Style

Dynamic Defense Styles are the result of denying our feminine and emphasizing our masculine.We emphasize Mastery, Time and Task centered management and goal-centric activities. We act outwardly strong and certain, even when we are not. We are identified by a perimeter Defense Style, with hidden emotional vulnerabilities. We are strong in objective, experiential modalities, such as Sensations and Thoughts. We use our intellectual framework to enhance Security. We demonstrate strong autonomy and self esteem while seeking intimacy and self respect. Dynamic people are primarily motivated by being seen getting the job done. Being acknowledged is everything. Feelings and Emotions are controlled so they do not get out of control. Power is generated by being able to impose their thoughts on others. They use order and structure to justify taking positions that elevate them over others. They break down each problem so it can be appreciated and solved.


As Dynamic individuals, we admire strength, despise weakness and will fight (when challenged) to prove ourselves. We validate our Truth intellectually by getting people to agree with our assumptions. Since defenses are partial truths, we are highly susceptible to Illusions. Sometimes, we get caught up in Intensity, because we cannot distinguish our own Truth. This is why we seek Wisdom in others and try to learn more about circumstances from them. The biggest illusion we confront is that information is power. When we do not consider all the possibilities, we are susceptible to snap judgments that end up backfiring. Our biggest fear is that we are not loved. To resolve this, we invest in activities and intellectual support to convince others we are behind them.

Dynamic individuals seek truth but have difficulty being complete with it. Our time-centeredness drives us into competitive situations, where we always measure our performance vs. others’. We believe that a good offense is the best defense and therefore seek to throw others off balance so we will have an advantage. We rarely trust our intuition, even if we have developed it as part of our creative expression. It is not recommended to confront or make fun of the truth of a Dynamic individual. It will not end well! Through the review of hundreds of pictures, we explore the various physical and energetic characteristics that indicate a Dynamic Defense Style,. Our objective is to offer enough examples so we will be able to see these characteristics in life. The class also comes with all presentations (in PDF format) and video recordings.


Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Thursday, July 19, 2018, 6-9pm MT

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Recognizing Defenses :: Class 3: Recognizing Disarming Defense Style

Disarming Defense Styles are the result of denying our masculine and emphasizing our feminine.We emphasize Mystery, Chaos that invokes unexpected outcomes. Our outer softness conceals a strong interior where, if we are pushed to perform, we typically exceed people’s expectations. This Defense style is initially adaptive, but eventually can be pushed too far and becomes explosive. We demonstrate strong intimacy and self respect while seeking to improve our Autonomy Skills and self esteem. To accomplish this, we need to be grounded in our physical body. Our perceptual strengths are mostly subjective and comprised of the unification of Feelings and Emotions, producing playful Passion and intuition. The problem is when we get caught up in Projections where, when we want something to be true, we idealize ourselves or others to make it so.

Our primary fear is that we are not adequate or enough. We tend to redefine problems to fit our at-hand preconceived solutions. We adore openness, hate bullies and flee from confrontation when we do not see the value in it. This reflects that we are sensitive to blame, express fear to make peace with it and repress anger because we are not comfortable expressing it. Disarming Defense Style individuals are easily identified by their gorilla warfare approach, where misdirection helps divert attention away from their actions. We can get caught up in drama, particularly when it allows us to divert attention away from certain alternatives we wish to avoid. When we identify with this defense, we believe that our Goodness produces a context where we can see meanings, even when others cannot.

Anxiety wears us down, particularly when we get caught up in having to compare ourselves to everyone around us. It would be helpful to not take ourselves so seriously or to project how others should be good, because it sabotages our personal self development. We are susceptible to jealousy and envy because we fear others have the qualities we lack. Through the review of hundreds of pictures, we explore the various physical and energetic characteristics that indicate a Disarming Defense Style Our objective is to offer enough examples so we will be able to see these characteristics in life. The class also comes with all presentations (in PDF format) and video recordings.



Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Thursday, August 2, 2018, 6-9pm MT

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)

Recognizing Defenses :: Class 4: Recognizing Disnamic Defense Style

Disnamic Defense Style individuals jump back and forth between feminine and masculine expressions. It is only when we are Pioneering that we can do the two simultaneously. Disnamic individuals shift back and forth because in their formative years each parent had a different Defense. In order to be seen, they learned to complement each parent by being each one’s mirror image. They are easily identified, because when we engage them in soft ways, they respond with strength, and vice versa. Their goal is to always create a full picture of all sides of a situation so better decisions can be made. Problems arise when they are in groups where some individuals expresses dynamic defense while others express disarming or distant defense. This context is difficult for the dysnamic individual who feels pulled to express several opposing defenses simultaneously and creates friction in their ability to meet the needs of everyone at the same time. They become agitated when they cannot mirror or include thinking and emotional states simultaneously. To accomplish this, they need to take ownership of having both masculine and feminine sides. Otherwise, they incorporate elements of Disarming and Dynamic defenses that are in conflict with each other.

Our biggest fear is that no one will know us as we are. This is because we see ourselves as chameleon, changing our color depending on the circumstances. We see value in counterbalancing and completing others. We need to learn how to do this within ourselves. In addition to reconciling the masculine and feminine polarity, we need to also reconcile interior and exterior experiences. This is the polarity issue between Dynamic (interior) and Disarming (exterior) defense experiences. We become Pioneers when our interior and exterior become fully interrelated and conscious. Disnamic Defense Styles are the most adaptive, translating their experiences between Esteem and Respect or Aliveness and Wisdom. We are most influenced by the Defensive Distortions of our partners. We need to accept that our Motives and Beliefs can be flexible and not fixed.

The source of Defensive Healing is the rebalancing of Aliveness, Wisdom and Awareness. On a defensive level, choosing someone with the same patterns initially feels uncomfortable. This is because we have not yet accepted our own Being on a larger level. Not only does our Defense minimize our creativity, it also makes us question why being with this person would be a smart idea. The answer is that until we can be with others who are like us, we are unable to accept our own wholeness. When we can be seen and accepted by others like ourselves, we naturally strengthen rather than drain each other. It also makes it possible to not have to endlessly explain ourselves to others (because of defensive differences). Disnamic Defense is the easiest to heal, when we seek clarity, to facilitate being a Pioneer.



Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith

Class Schedule: Thursday, August 16, 2018, 6-9pm MT

Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)