A Co-Dependent relationship is one we fall into without making a choice. It is an enticing relationship structure that focuses on providing mutual safety and security. Most of the time, it operates from the premise that differences and opposite attractions help stabilize a relationship. What is not understood is that Co-Dependent relationships enforce a kind of mediocrity where both individuals need to agree about everything in order to move forward. This is because each individual has the power to destroy the relationship at any moment. In today’s world, Co-Dependent relationships are getting a bad rap, deservedly so. This is because they support major compromises that become more of a burden as the relationship ages.
How we organize our experience produces different communication styles. Our communication process is the sequence in which we think, feel, and act. Each individual has a unique sequence that reflects the way they communicate. Each sequence has its way of initiating, validating and completing the Communication Process. As each person experiences thinking, feeling and action, it is the sequence of these that creates seven unique styles of communication. Based on this sequence, we end up focusing on particular ways to communicate that leads to problems when we have different priorities in our communication process. Words mean different things to people who are focusing on their thinking, feeling, or acting in the moment. Our communication, therefore, is only easy and fluid when we are with those who share the same sequence. Misunderstandings abound with people who deny our communications in ways similar to our parents.
Decision-Making Approach reflects a choice between taking immediate action to get something done or researching options to find the best, long-term solution. While this factor is context-sensitive, meaning it can show up differently in various parts of our life, we are usually either naturally Convergent (meaning focused or prioritized toward immediate action) or Divergent (meaning unfocused and open to exploring all options until the best becomes obvious). Some individuals can be both, called a Variable Approach, which allows them greater versatility. For some, this compatibility factor is difficult to identify because of contradictory beliefs set in place by parental imprinting. We discover our natural Decision-Making Approach by seeing how our decisions generate either positive energy or seem like work. The more effective we are at identifying someone’s Decision-Making Approach, the more supportive we can be in facilitating mutual decisions.
Pacing reflects how well we are able to synchronize the ways we assimilate information and experiences so we experience a heart connection. Everyone processes their experience at different speeds and chunk sizes. Fast-paced individuals assimilate smaller chunks quickly and become frustrated when others drop out of the picture. Slow-paced individuals assimilate larger chunks slowly and become exhausted when they can no longer keep up. In a way, slow-paced people think more broadly in horizontal terms, while fast-paced people think more narrowly in vertical terms. Pacing is not related to intelligence, even though culturally we have been taught that it is. In general, we tend to believe that quick-witted, fast-talking people must be smarter than slow-paced people.
WorldView is the perceptual or experiential framework by which individuals “construct,” interpret and make sense of the world. Central to a WorldView is a set of operating assumptions (or beliefs) about what is possible to experience, the nature of experience, and the basis of value and what it all means. We call these “operating assumptions” because they are indicated by actions and undirected responses. Over time, we become aware that the operating assumptions (of our life) manifest the possibility that we can change them. The more complexity we are able to engage, the more conscious we become. This increasing sophistication, in response to our experience, generally increases the awareness of our creative nature. We learn what we best contribute, and it flows. In other words, greater consciousness provides further awareness, more perceptual tools and expanded choices. As our consciousness grows, we have an ever-deepening connection to Life, Light and Love.