Finding Conscious & Complete Partners—Class 7 :: Showing Up — Engagement Opportunities
We discovered in Enlightened Dating that individuals either overdo or underdo their capacity to engage others appropriately. We overdo and exhaust potential partners when we cannot relax or connect to our bodies and ourselves. This overdoing can be the result of being rejected in the past or being abandoned. We need to address these issues so we can show up naturally. We underdo and hide out when we do not respond to the overtures of others. This underdoing is the result of having hollowed-out relationships where introspection and self-revelation are denied and condition us. When we cannot be present with our Feelings (and connected to our Sensations) or Emotions (connected to our Thoughts and Truth), overdoing and underdoing deregulate the relationship pace. Sometimes the underdoer’s are attraction to the overdoer’s and vice versa. This creates a subtle sense of competition and self-scoring that sabotages relationship connections.
The more we fall into fixed dating styles or Pretenses, the more our Expectations get challenged. The problem is that we do not investigate the quality of our connection, because the pacing of it is erratic and out of sync with our natural flow. What we need to learn is how to hold space in a separate relationship space independent of our personal space. This keeps us from merging or getting irritated when our partner does not respond to us. Showing up also requires being curious about what our partners are sharing. Any judgments or attitudes will minimize our engagement and understanding. These judgments may also create reactions where we fall into the trap of trying to fix our partners. This is an ugly pleasure (schadenfreude) because it gives us the sense we are contributing; yet in reality, we are not. Pretenses are all attempts to convince others we can help them, when in fact, we only do so when we need to.
Until we can be present to ourselves, it is hard to include others in an open and undefined space. This is what a Common Neutral Ground offers. By showing up and being attentive, we maximize our ability to ask questions and put together a picture of what is possible together. We need to be careful to not make snap judgments. If we are investing in learning about our partners, they will respond by providing complete answers that allow us to build trust in the relationship. By providing more information about us, they can learn who we really are. This can be extremely useful, even if they do not turn out to be the partners we are ultimately seeking. When they know us, we may be able to enroll them in sending people our way that could be a match. Our goal in showing up is to make ourselves better known so the Universe can find and send us the right people.
Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith
Class Schedule: Saturday, August 25th 2018, 12pm-5pm MT (no lunch break)
Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301 (or by webinar)