The Essential Shifts In Perception Required
When we are Co-Dependent, we define ourselves in terms of each other. Most of us do not notice that by doing so, we create an exclusive bubble and believe that nothing exists beyond us. Caught in our bubble we are irritated by our partner’s differences. This is what puts us in Co-Dependent hell. We need to be able to see and identify the many aspects of Co-Dependence to be able to heal it with ourselves and others.
Co-Dependence is healed by revealing our Beauty, Truth and Goodness through real growth, autonomy (honesty), and intimacy (vulnerability). In this process we see both the good and bad about our strengths and weaknesses. We learn not to hide weaknesses, but to use them to expand our humanity. We need to complete ourselves as Creative Beings to demonstrate our aliveness, wisdom and mutual learning. Our humanity, both the good and the bad, must be accepted to have a relationship that reflects universal openness, otherwise our Co-Dependent cocoon keeps us from seeing what is going on in our relationships. Parental imprinting, defenses, and defensive distortions impose co-dependent limits caused when we assign others responsibility for our own safety, security and self-importance.
How can we identify Co-Dependence? The reality is that denying life or lacking the experience of abundant energy is the first obstacle to forming our creative intent. This means that we don’t even know what we want and cannot affirm clearly what we expect in a relationship. It is all an unknown surprise (both good and bad). We can confirm this by how much our excitement limits our ability to see inner beauty. Or, how much do we believe we need outer beauty to be attracted to someone? Most of us do not understand individuals who are not fixated physically on their partner, because this challenges our perspective of safety.
Some of us know that information, experience and abundant time are necessary to develop inner wisdom. Why then do we insist on proving our intelligence with quick, intense, one-sided answers, which we call defenses? Having to be right means that the other person is wrong, right? The discussion becomes about my truth versus your truth. Co-Dependence teaches us to compromise, even if not stated explicitly. If a relationship is about learning to be with another, why do we rush through life, competing with our partners to prove our independence? This rush reduces our ability to see both light and wisdom, and to think in unified, complete terms. The result is that we live in a world of illusion, where outer power is the ability to control others, so they will do our bidding. This reveals how we get caught up in compromising our truth, to serve false promises of security.
The most challenging limitation of relationships is when love is missing or denied. All personality expressions of love are attempts to convince someone that we need them, so we love them. We spend much of our time and effort trying to affirm the love of our partner only to have them discount it. At some deeper level, they know that the more we try to convince them, the less it is true. Personality love is expressed though sex, protection, direction and quid-pro-quo exchanges or transactions. It is also seen when we attempt to seduce someone by declaring that our love is infinite, eternal or glamourous. This is always about reassuring someone that that are important to us.
When we affirm our creative gifts, we realize that our attachments, positions and projections were distracting us from taking care of ourselves. They were re-directing our Life, Light and Love energies, making us an empty, hardened person. Our Creative Being awakens us to mutual Pleasure, Power, and Passion and this leads us to Co-Creativity. Co-Dependence focuses us on connecting with people who cannot be with us and need to fight us. Whereas, Co-Creativity supports us being with people of all kinds, especially those who are aligned with us. This sets us on a journey of self-discovery, where conscious individuals can be attracted to us.
Co-Dependent healing releases us from the bonds of our past so we can embrace a more beautiful, truthful and great future, and Radiant Self Unifying Love, which is unconditional and complete. Co-Dependent Healing is a 12-week Zoom series on Tuesday at 6:00 p.m. MST, from January 18 through April 12. Join us on Tuesday January 18 at 6:00 p.m. MST for our Free Intro to Co-Dependent Healing. We will discuss the framework of co-dependent personality chemistry.