Transformational Life Lessons: Free Intro to Twelve Secrets Of Conscious Relationships
Inner Success: Creating A Fulfilling Life
Authentic Life Expression, Conscious Partnering, and Relationship Embodiment are the yardsticks for Creative Fulfillment. Authentic Life Expression is the process of clarifying, naming, and contributing the best of who we are. Conscious Partnering is the process of understanding how to bring out the best in different types of partners so we can be mutually fulfilled. Relationship Embodiment is the process of deepening into co-creative expressions based on equality, creative spirit, and power. This is the what, the how, and the why of every person, should they rise to the occasion. These three intertwine and enhance each other as we develop. New friends and partners continue to expand our capacity to engage more people creatively and consciously. Join us in this discussion to explore how these elements interact.
1) Authentic Life Expression
The enemy of Authentic Life Expression is parental conditioning and imprinting, reducing creative life energy. As long as our parental imprinting infringes upon our choices, we objectify ourselves and others, minimizing our capacity to express ourselves clearly and cleanly. Instead, we are motivated by the need for safety, the desire for security, and how we want to be seen as important and consequential. These distortions bring a sense of inertia and limit our ability to take risks in the pursuit of our own creative destiny.
The obstacles to embodying life expression are complacency, fear of failure, and an unwillingness to take risks. Though it may be rough trying to assemble all of our talents and developing a way to express ourselves, the process itself refines us. The fire of our Life energy propels us forward and pushes us to do whatever is uncomfortable until we get used to it. For some of us, this means going beyond the expectations of our parents, or our own self-imposed limitations. We need to burn away how our parents taught us to be so we can shine forth as natural, powerful, creative beings. We need to set ourselves on a course where we listen to our own instincts and go beyond the surrounding fear. This means letting go of being scared of our own shadow and operating boldly to claim our own creative gifts.
While our compatibility factors do define our creative nature, we are the only ones who can seize it by taking action. It is also important to get out of our heads and to acknowledge the power of our bodies to manifest our passion and vision. We cannot hide out anymore and expect things to ‘magically’ turn out. The more we operate in a closed "objectified" world by denying our own creative spirit, the more we manipulate others as objects. This defensive distortion is known as objectification, where we become attached to outer appearances and are afraid to release the creative power within.
When our own vision does not go beyond our historical expectations, we isolate ourselves from the world. This requires us to develop coping strategies or live in an addictive reality of unbalanced sensations and feelings. We protect ourselves by mentally isolating from others by creating distance. This distance is taught to us by others as role-based behaviors that hide our real creative nature. In an objectified world, we lose connection to our own life energy and therefore seek others to stimulate us because we cannot even pay attention to what is important within us. Instead, we become distracted by activities that do not serve our own growth. We end up denying our own creativity and seek an easy way to operate in the world by doing what others expect. Sometimes this works for us and sometimes it does not. Most importantly, we are not directing our lives in a way that fulfills us.
We come into our creative nature by affirming who we are and what we do best. It takes time to develop our talent, mainly by our dedication to find our own expression. While schooling can help expand our perceptions and provide some tools for interacting with others, it is our own path that is critical. Without realizing it, many of us take jobs to gain some skill or perspective that complements our creative being. This piecemeal approach eventually coalesces into an epiphany where we understand our potential. This is when our path becomes more direct and guided by our own consciousness.
Until we experience this "quickening" where our creative joy and skills emerge, we could only provoke these possibilities by challenging our status quo. We need to search for our own breakthroughs by exposing our Self to new options. Every job then becomes a way to measure what we like versus what we do not like (for example, about our job). We respond to activities where our purpose is revealed. While we may not like all aspects of the job, the goal is to have more joy than dissonance in what we do. As long as we are growing in our skills and developing our values, our own heart will guide us to the solution.
2) Conscious Partnering
Three unconscious patterns get in the way of conscious relationship choices. Choosing parental substitutes because we are incomplete with our parental patterns is the most difficult relationship you can manifest. This co-dependent attraction of excitement, which is where excitement overpowers the aliveness of conscious choices, is the primary indicator that we are choosing a parental pattern. Excitement is a mixture of terror and the need to offset our own loneliness. It makes us hypervigilant about how our expectations meet potential partner expectations.
What we are seeking is a physically stimulating partner who offsets the denial of either our sensations or feelings. Rather than balancing our own sensations and feelings, we look to our partner to provide a sense of safety by taking care of us in a way we refuse to take care of ourselves. This pattern places us at the effect of our partner (by giving them power over us), and we fall back on rule and gender expectations in creating relationships with partners. It also establishes a false need to possess each other, which drives jealousy, greed and arrogance being acted out between each other. We are often unconscious about our own objectification and feel empty and numb because of the creative denial within us.
The second way we choose partners is to look for someone who is our polar opposite. At the core is the fact that we possess a completely different perception of our self and our partner, and our partner does the same. What we experience is a co-dependent framework of maximizing what we can get and minimizing what they need. We hope to leverage what we want, and minimize what we give, to keep our advantage over them. Being opposite makes it easier to define ourselves in terms of our partner. Being different allows us to create a sense of our own autonomy. By fighting with our partners we feel better about ourselves. These relationships are incredibly volatile and highly reactive. The more we build defenses to offset our differences, the more we feel separate from anyone or anything. Letting anyone in is a vulnerability. We become fixated on our partial truths, which we call positions. Most importantly, we cannot see beyond our own defensive framework, which makes it impossible to take action in a way that blends into our environment. As a result, we over-do or under-do our actions and thoughts. The result is that we are constantly irritating ourselves through the abrupt reflections of the denied aggressions we project on our partner.
The third way we choose partners inappropriately is to choose someone based on how much they idealize our aspirations. While it is romantic to choose partners who believe in your dreams, it is the best way to keep your dreams from occurring. Commonly, we idealize others who do not have the same ideals (but they could if they listened to us). Idealization is a projection of what we want to occur. In it, we falsely believe in expanding our influence by conversion. By eliminating idealization, no one needs to agree with us, and the truth emerges. With the truth, we can address problems and solve them. When we idealize, we constantly delay our planning because we are afraid to address it directly. When we align to a mission, it means we are already engaging it. If your partners cannot be with you and your mission at the moment, they are not helpful relationship possibilities. Instead, they will distract you, sabotage you, and leave you when eventually you do not live up to their expectations.
Great partners respond to our autonomous aliveness, intimate vulnerability, and co-creative responsiveness with their own. This creates a magnetic bond where authentic relationships emerge. We find the best partners when we are honoring and loving our creative expression enough to choose individuals who have the same Compatibility Factors. This is particularly true when choosing partners with the same Primary Creative Expression, Defense Style and WorldView. This selection maximizes creative bonding, power and a sense of equality and support between partners.
3) Relationship Embodiment (Couples Discovery)
We identify alignment when individuals have similar virtues, values, and consciousness. Every primary creative expression has three virtues and three values that amplify three values of our secondary expression. Locking in these similarities allows us to communicate with full intention, content, and context alignment. Mutual Learning makes us better at what we do. Conscious partners respond (when aligned with us) by learning more about what makes them great. This is a virtuous circle of mutual reinforcement. Besides virtues and values, there are other compatibility factors that distinguish how we operate individually, making it easier to identify those who align with us from those who do not. Creative embodiment reflects calibration to, and re-creation of, our partners.
Every creative individual has a choice about how much we wish to develop ourselves, and the quality investment we wish to make in choosing our partners. We also need to identify what other creative types would complement our effort, particularly when we are creating or building new organizations. The purpose of Authentic Life Expression is first honoring our natural contribution and have it valued. Second, we want to be able to manifest and enhance our power. This requires Mutual Learning and Intimate Vulnerability by inviting new partners into the process. The test is the amount of synergy or amplification that occurs when we work together. Great partners experience 3 to 7 times our personal productivity. Having embodied partners accelerates and magnifies the power to manifest our destiny.
Third, we need to have neutralized our defenses, because the defensive friction, polarization and stickiness would diminish alignment. At the minimum, life and light energies have to be unified between partners to generate and sustain momentum. Many individuals operate on different and complementary frequencies, that increase our mutual intention, clarify our direction, and unify Radiant Love. Presence, in the space of Radiant, Self-Unifying Love, is a stimulating environment. This is not just a relationship experience, but a co-creative one that amplifies the work we do in the world. This bonding process is greatly facilitated by the four levels of Motives, Attractions, and Relationship Skills. This is how we learn to hold our own autonomy and yet have intimate sharing in the co-creative space. To manifest this possibility requires higher alignment. We initially validated our creative alignment by doing “be-withs” with partners, where we learned how we naturally respond to others. Our capacity to know ourselves, and how to best bring out the creativity of our partner, allows us to expand our creative flow. Now, we further manifest this with a unified life-expression project, assisted by primary creative expression, virtues, and values. Higher Alignment introduces every group to the Conscious Co-creative Relationships class, and the Defensive Healing class, and the Twelve Steps to CNG class.