Support Factors In Choosing Partners
Energetic coherence is the result of brining all of our Compatibility Factors so they optimally interact. The Consciousness Factors (Primary and Secondary Creative Expression, Defense style with WorldView) provide the spark of alignment regarding our Authentic Life expression and how our partner responds to it. The Support Factors (Communication Process, Pacing, and Decision Making approaches) are the way we interact on a daily basis. The flow of the relationship is guided by these factors and individuals that possess the same patterns are greatly facilitated by each other. This occurs because the way they operating and interact with the world is the same. They often come up with shorthand ways of being because they know each other and no longer need to interpret their Reponses. Communication is easy, decision-making evolves trust and our Pacing keep us connected and seen. These support factors help us to distinguish what works for us so we can build upon it. We feel great gratitude that our partner knows how to meet us.
Higher Alignment advocates choosing partner with the same Support Factors but not at the cost of our Conscious Factors. The purpose is to be able to quickly identify our similarities and differences so in any situation we know how to address and connect to another. The value of being with those that meet us in our Support Factors is that we both love the way we are, which makes the natural connection much quicker and obvious. When we are not aware of these patterns, it becomes more difficult to know when others get our way of being and will operate in a way that honors us. Just awareness about possible differences provides clues about how to best interact with different individuals.
Why Support Factor Alignment Works
Our Primary Creative Expression defines who we are as a Creative Being. It is the most important factor overall, because once we understand and accept the beauty of it, we can integrate all the subsidiary Compatibility Factors and discover how they help us implement our life. The main factors that make it easy to be with a partner are the same Communication Process, Pacing speed and Decision Making Approach. Communication Process is the way we focus, interpret and prioritize our senses. Pacing speed is the frequency (how we parse and package) our interaction with another. Decision Making Approach is how we summarize and organize our response to others. What is critical is how we align support factors to reduce personality differences both by accepting differences and by utilizing similarities. This increases our confidence and capacity to act as a team.
What Is Communication Process?
Our Communication Process refers to the sequence of how we Think, Feel, and Act. There are seven unique styles of communication, because one sequence is to do all simultaneously. Communication Process is the method and sequence by which our creative nature assimilates the experiences in our lives. How we organize our experience produces our communication styles. The more we can express our truth harmlessly, the more we are using our Creative Uniqueness to connect with others. This means that for intellectually-centered individuals (Think First), the goal is the pursuit of truth, unity and wisdom. For emotionally-centered individuals (Feel First) the goal is the expansion of their framework of possibilities, so motives and values can be re-prioritized in the warm light of love. They would say it is the pursuit of alignment and harmony. For kinesthetic or moving-centered individuals (Act First), the goal is to bring back the experience of intelligence in action. They would say “walk it like you talk it.”
As each of us experiences thinking, feeling and action, we focus on particular ways to communicate that can lead to problems when others have different priorities in their communication process. If we don’t understand that there are differences, we spend a lot of time and effort correcting others. Confusion occurs because words themselves mean different things to people focusing differently on their thinking, feeling, or acting in the moment. Conflict and misunderstandings abound when we are with people who deny our Communication Process in similar ways to our parents. Our communications, therefore, are only clean when we are with people who have our same sequence.
Individuals who are being present with their thoughts, feelings, and actions manifest a greater connection with others. Unfortunately, based on our interactions with our parents we can easily get trapped in not expressing all three levels. Usually we can see at least two of the three (thoughts, feelings, actions) in our expression or in another person’s presentation. It is harder to see others in any way that we are denying in ourselves. The more we are not present with our truth on Thinking, Feeling, and Acting levels, the less we can honor the truth on these levels with others.
The importance of this class is to reframe how we communicate so our partners can better understand us. By understanding another’s Communication Process and the sequence they go through to assimilate information, we can practice delivering our communication in way that can be understood by them. When we have a different CP, it can take time to get used to the translation process. It may also take time for us to frame the communication in a sequence that is familiar to them. The benefit of this is our partners will be less defensive and will most likely understand what we are saying from the get-go. When we have a similar CP, our requirements are simply to translate our process into their process without letting imprinting get in the way. By choosing individuals with the same sequence (CP), we can reduce our energetic requirements by up to 9 percent.
Behind incomplete communications are 1) unbalanced experiential modalities (over or underdoing SFET); 2) inappropriately projecting our own sequence upon others (given that there are seven different sequences); and 3) our own imprinting and false comfort zones caused by parental-pattern familiarity. Being able to consciously identify these Distortions and recognizing what is needed to communicate effectively, can change our experience completely. Unfortunately, we are often most attracted to those who have complementary Distortions. Once we retrain ourselves in Conscious Complete Communications, it becomes like developing new habits. The key benefit of making this shift is we learn how to communicate fully without second-guessing ourselves. We learn to say what we mean and mean what we say. We become more responsible for making the intention structure and context (of the communication) apparent.
What Is Pacing?
Pacing reflects how well we are able to synchronize the ways we assimilate information and experiences, so we experience a heart connection. Everyone processes their experience at a different speed and chunk size. Fast-paced individuals assimilate smaller chunks quickly and become frustrated when others drop out of the picture. Slow-paced individuals assimilate larger chunks slowly and become exhausted when we can no longer keep up. In a way, slow-paced people think more broadly in horizontal terms, while fast-paced people think more narrowly in vertical terms. Pacing is not related to intelligence, even though culturally we have been taught that it is.
In general, we tend to believe that quick-witted, fast-talking people must be smarter than slow-paced people. Obviously, a counter-example is Albert Einstein, who was an extremely slow-paced person, even though his Imprinting from his mother was to be faster. Slower paced individuals take more time and absorb more in a single sequence. Faster paced individuals layer the assimilation of each sequence to process quicker. Pacing differences are the main invisible energetic difference that can bring us to our knees (if not understood) or empower us to unify with others when we are.
Pacing requires greater expenditures of energy over time when there are big differences in our rate. It is important to recognize that everyone has the capacity to take in experience at about the same rate, but processing it is done differently. Slow or low paced individuals take bigger chunks of information in fewer cycles. Fast or high paced individuals take smaller chunks of information in many shorter cycles. In order to connect with someone and communicate with them, we need to find a mid-point where we can transfer our insights to one another. Both parties could equally experience their energetic loss, but those who try to meet others more may themselves get quickly exhausted. Low paced individuals become exhausted, while high pace individuals become frustrated when the energy cannot be sustained.
The challenge with Pacing is that each individual operates in their own framework, and their own unique speed. In order to effectively communicate, they need to find a common speed at which both can resonate. This takes the ability to concentrate when in the process of communicating. While Communication Process gives us the correct sequence (Intent, Content, Context) Pacing provides the interlacing or download bandwidth to do the job.
Pacing is measure on a scale between zero and one hundred, with 50 being mid-paced. The distribution in the population is a bell-shaped curve. Anyone with more than a 15-20 point difference will require more energy to complete their communication. Some couples manage this process by having a limit on how much time they spend together. They set a timeframe that works for them and then they part ways to regenerate themselves. Resetting Pacing expectations is about knowing your limit with a person and maintaining a balance so no one becomes compromised.
What Is Decision Making Approach?
Decision-Making Approach, reflects the choice between taking immediate action to get something done or researching options to find the best, long-term solution. While this factor is Context sensitive, meaning that it can show up differently in various parts of our life (work, relationships, individual creative focus) we are usually either naturally Convergent or Divergent. Some individuals can be both which we define as either Open Ended, Variable or Switchable. A Closed Down person is impaired in their ability to make decisions. For some, this Compatibility Factor is difficult to identify within ourselves because of contradictory beliefs set in place by parental Imprinting. The more effectively we can identify our Decision-Making Approach and others’, the more supportive we can be in facilitating mutual decisions.
Most of us have never experienced having a real choice about how we want to engage a problem. The first obstacle is our degree of self-awareness about our choices. Most of our automatic pilot choices typically match our long-term calculated choices. This is because we do not experience many options with when, whom and where we wish to engage. The second obstacle is knowing the range of choices. Are we more Convergent or Divergent in our Approach? Convergent Decision-Makers focus on examining the problem so they can deconstruct their choices. What we want is a step-by-step plan that allows us to do incremental improvements in a time-centric way. Divergent Decision-Makers focus on thinking about every aspect of a problem without concern for a plan or timeframe. Most of the time, they are simply eliminating various options. Divergent individuals do not make a decision until it feels completely right, then they try to do it all at once.
The third obstacle is being confused by our Decision-Making imprinting so we cannot separate our true needs from the needs of others. In this situation, our past experiences about what worked took into account other people’s issues and we learned to do things in a way that made sense to them. The best way to tell the difference between imprinting and our authentic nature is that it takes no effort to do things our way. Whenever we do an imprint, it consumes a lot of energy. Some of us are also confused between making decisions in three different environments: 1) Work, 2) Relationships; and 3) Personal Creativity. We may create different ways to respond in each space based on our upbringing. This means we may be Convergent (Decision-Maker) at work and a Divergent person when we are at home or doing creative projects.
Unlearning is the main thing we address in this class. Many of us have deep associations about how things should be that come into conflict with others. When we begin to unpack our own Decision-Making Approach, it clears the way for being able to choose to do things to meet others without costing any personal energy. This is called Open Decision-Making, where we determine how a problem can best be addressed, rather than who gets to do things their own way. When we begin to appreciate that some processes are better solved using Divergent or Convergent principles, it becomes easier to delegate these jobs to those with the matching Decision-Making Approach. When Decision-Making becomes unilateral in a relationship, it means that contempt or (at least) competition has become a major obstacle in moving forward.