Accepting Ourselves Leads To Seeing Others
We cannot see others until we accept ourselves. This requires the recognition that parts of us are authentic and parts of us reflect the training by parents, teachers and peers. When we are younger, our need to survive promoted the adoption of patterns of behavior that initially helped us get attention, promote acceptance and protection from the wrong kind of attention. This led to self-identification with parental imprinting, defenses, and pretenses so we learned to be inauthentic to protect our self. We can identify these issues because it requires effort and tension to push these ways of being, even if they are not seen as positive. We do this unconsciously because we have not stopped to examine who we creatively are. Being creatively authentic is easy, effortless, and fulfilling.
Trying to be everything leads to doing nothing well. We can see this in others who are attached to doing things right. It becomes irritating to deal with these perfectionist individuals because nothing is ever enough. They cannot afform themselves, so it is impossible to affirm us when we do something nice for them. In our efforts to prove how smart we are our fixed positions guarantee that we make mistakes, mostly in attempt to prove we are right. We do not notice that our conceptual rigidity actually inhibits new learning. We become identified with our outdated beliefs rather than the underlying values or virtues we seek to express. Finally, in our aspirations to be seen we confuse what we want to be with who we are right now, displacing our old views on others to making them wrong. This is a way to increase our self-importance at the cost of our authentic growth.
Everyone initially affirms three groups (imprinting, defenses and pretenses) of inauthentic qualities, to build a survival and success personality framework. This framework drives us through fear, desire and the need to adapt because we do not know or own our Beauty, Truth or Goodness. This means we create false attachments to outer beauty or deny such to prevent being objectified. We also declare one-sided positions (we call defenses) to promote our strengths and minimize our weaknesses. This minimizes our ability to acknowledge our truth, and manifest as intensity. The final way we compromise our self-understanding is through envy or comparison, where we seek to acquire anything that will make us seem more important. We used these projections to enhance our image at the cost of our natural creative expression.
When we affirm our authentic qualities, what Higher Alignment calls natural Compatibility Factors, we grow to love ourselves. Until we accept our creative nature, if is difficult to choose good partners, find work that is fulfilling and resolve conflicts with others. One indicator that we do not know ourselves is that we are always trying to get others to be more like us. This reflects that we do not accept that there are real differences, as well as similarities. Secondly, if we understood these factors it would be a road map to understanding which people we would work best with, both romantically, in our communities and in our work. Our ability to choose similar partners is challenged by the attractions of parental trauma or incomplete lessons, our lack of autonomy (resulting in choosing opposite attraction partners) and confusion of love with personality substitutes. If you want to learn about this opportunity, join us in our discussion on Real Relationship Differences and Similarities.