Recognizing Co-Dependence

A Co-Dependent relationship is one we fall into without making a choice. It is an enticing relationship structure that focuses on providing mutual safety and security. Most of the time, it operates from the premise that differences and opposite attractions help stabilize a relationship. What is not understood is that Co-Dependent relationships enforce a kind of mediocrity where both individuals need to agree about everything in order to move forward. This is because each individual has the power to destroy the relationship at any moment. In today’s world, Co-Dependent relationships are getting a bad rap, deservedly so. This is because they support major compromises that become more of a burden as the relationship ages.

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How To See Co-Dependence In Others

A Co-Dependent relationship is one we fall into without making a choice. It is an enticing relationship structure that focuses on providing mutual safety and security. Most of the time, it operates from the premise that differences and opposite attractions help stabilize a relationship. What is not understood is that Co-Dependent relationships enforce a kind of mediocrity where both individuals need to agree about everything in order to move forward. This is because each individual has the power to destroy the relationship at any moment. In today’s world, Co-Dependent relationships are getting a bad rap, deservedly so. This is because they support major compromises that become more of a burden as the relationship ages.

There are four major compromises in Co-Dependent relationships. They are: 1) Choosing sexual chemistry over creative chemistry; 2) Choosing partners with the opposite defense; 3) Choosing personality expressions of love over Radiant Self Unifying Love; and 4) Choosing to play small rather than affirming our Creative Nature. Co-dependent partners always attempt to take a shortcut and never end up where they expect. The net effect of these compromises is to choose individuals who are the most difficult for us to be with. The reason we choose them is we are not willing to change our attractions or aspirations. What makes a co-dependent relationship appealing is that it always appears that our partner is ‘the’ solution to our previous difficulties.

Co-Dependent relationships make it seem that a partner is more available and vulnerable because they need us to have a successful life. We interpret this desperation as a desire to engage us because of our attractiveness. What they are doing is trying to escape their own fears by finding someone who will serve their desires. The three major indicators are: 1) Buying into common fears, triggering a need to provide safety for each other; 2) Buying into common desires, triggering a belief that we can do better together than alone; and 3) Establishing a mutual support system to guide and monitor each other’s growth in order to stay together. Our Co-dependent relationships are based upon promises that limit growth, Autonomy and Intimacy. In attraction terms, we are falsely convinced that Excitement, Intensity and Anxiety qualities will lead us to the best relationships we can get.

Co-dependence is a series of imbalances that we seek others to resolve. As long as we accentuate these imbalances we operate as a need fulfillment mechanism that loses itself in others. We end up disempowered and at the effect of our lack of conscious choices. Every compromise we make haunts us and limits our growth. Inertia, Competition and Comparison drive us to blame, shame and try to impose our guilt upon others in order to create a false narrative. Attachments, Positions and Projections are evidence that we need substitutes to distract us from our self inflicted pain. We offset this narrative by telling the truth without victimization, fears and the need to manipulate others. We act in alignment by confronting our internal unbalances so we not longer need us to complete us. Our attractions are the key to this transformation.

Co-Dependent Attractions are all about how we fulfill each other’s needs. Excitement gets old when we cannot deepen into real connection. Intensity, over time, loses its appeal as we become worn out and made wrong by our partners. Anxiety only reveals a disconnection between our fears and desires. None of these Attractions are supportive in a Co-Creative relationship. In fact, they deny any possibility that we will discover who we are and how we can work together to have authentic opportunities. Co-Dependent attractions may seem to operate with immediacy, but get old quickly when nothing changes. They reveal how our spirits have been crushed by the compromises we feel forced to make. With these attractions, the most we can hope for are relationships that take tremendous work. In this class we look at pictures where we calibrate, on a scale of 1-7, the degree of Co-Dependence in a person. The higher the number, the more Co-Dependence. We are teaching the ability to see Co-Dependent patterns immediately. We also explain the factors that contribute to Co-Dependence.


Facilitators: Larry Byram & Sandra Jaquith
Prerequisites: Creative Uniqueness (recommended)
Class Schedule: Thursday, November 15th, 2018
Location: 2945 Center Green Court, Ste. E, Boulder, CO 80301
Class Times: 6 to 9pm MST