How many times do we have to confront differences in relationships before we become comfortable doing so? Why does it bother us when our partners need to do their own thing and do not connect with us? Why are we so fearful that when things change we quit engaging? With more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it is necessary to develop conscious practices to validate the quality and nature of any relationship. Being able to determine our natural alignment is the first step in this assessment process. In HA’s other courses, we teach fifteen Compatibility Factors to serve this reality. These compatibility perspectives help us understand our options so we do not see everything as problematic. The focus of this course is being able to maintain an energetic connection under all circumstances. It supports us in developing methods for staying consciously connected without compromising our truth. We come to understand the layers of common lessons and how certain skills are appropriate for the different layers.
Beyond compatibility, what happens when we do not know how to creatively meet someone where they are? We neutralize and bridge differences to stay creatively engaged. This occurs when we recognize our common humanity. The twelve skills of Skillful Partnering naturally support successful navigation of any relationship we choose, no matter how difficult. Imagine being able to recognize where preexisting attachments, positions and projections prevent relationship fulfillment or completion. Consider the value of being able to identify (in advance) where things are not able to move forward. In Skillful Partnering we demonstrate the value of energetic connection versus distancing to become more inclusive of others. We provide simple tests to determine where partners meet. Since each skill contains a particular way we bring out the best in each of us, the more skills we possess, the more flexible we become. These skills are Aliveness, Wisdom, Growth, Playfulness, Personality Detachment, Autonomy, Paradox, Intuitive Discrimination, Intimacy, Mutual Learning, Physical Discernment and Co-Creativity. It is easy to see how they can contribute to balancing our experience with others.
This course is practical and geared towards identifying deficient areas in our relationships. Every lack of a skill creates a hole or distortion where we get off track. Being able to recognize our perceptual distortions can empower conscious relationships. We demonstrate how to take a stand and shift problematic ways of connecting into more powerful and embodied ways of being. We teach participants to deal with four primary issues in relationships—Gender Identity, Autonomy, Intimacy and Co-Creativity. In this way, we become clear about which relationships provide the best opportunities for mutual growth and development. Where we show up determines the degree and type of fulfillment we experience. It also determines which of the nine types of relationship would be the easiest for any given configuration. Of course, the more we become embodied in each of the skills, the less constricted we are in our choice of partners and our ability to interact with them. As we gain confidence in our ability to show up under all situations, we transcend the patterns of our past that have kept us from relationship fulfillment.
Higher Alignment skills enable us to connect with others with uncomfortable similarities or differences without reaction. Skills help us develop a transpersonal perspective so we can see situations from another’s view. There are twelve skills expressed on four levels that reflect feminine, masculine or combined approaches. The more we embody these skills, the easier it is to manage and hold a Common Neutral Ground. The four main skills are Growth, Autonomy, Intimacy and Co-Creativity. Each is facilitated by a masculine and feminine expression on instinctive, intellectual, idealized and intuitive levels. This means on the first level, growth is supported by Aliveness and Wisdom. On the second level, Autonomy is supported by Playfulness and Personality Detachment. On the third level, Intimacy is supported by Paradox and Intuitive Discrimination. Finally, on the intuitive level, Co-Creativity is supported by Mutual Learning and Physical Discernment. We embody these skills working from the first level to the second level to the third and fourth. Any time we experience a setback, it rolls back the skills on a particular level and we return to the previous. Of course, by using motives and preparing ourselves by recovering, we can snap back into the next highest level and proceed in our growth up the ladder. The embodied Skills our partner responds to can also anchor us.
A lack of skills on any level prevents us from growing past that level with our partner. Since skills are a mutual exchange, we need our partner’s willingness to grow to empower higher skill experiences. This means we both learn how to make the best of a bad situation by working around whatever limitations a partner possesses. Most individuals have not mastered more than three or four skills. This severely limits the capacity to meet, be with and reflect their partner. It takes both of us operating in a skill for us to be seen, depending on the level. Conscious stability is not achieved without having at least four skills that we can use to connect with our partner.
Skills focus on our capacity to be present to our own creative response. In other words, we need to possess the capacity to see ourselves from another’s perspective. When we adopt the Skills of Paradox and Intuitive Discrimination, we eliminate judgment. This enables us to meet our partners in a proactive and intimate way. This is because we appreciate how our partner contributes to us and we are then able to return the contribution. We learn that we are not able to give a partner anything they cannot allow themselves to receive. The depth of our skills shows up when we build confidence in our ability to neutralize differences. This requires the capacity to see things from our partner’s perspective simultaneous to our own.
Recommended Prerequisite: This course requires having purchased the Creative Uniqueness or a personal coaching session where compatibility factors were covered.